Searching hard

It is as if something is missing within me

And I am still wondering

What is that?

I am searching

Searching for something

Something that I truly needed

What is that?

I seem know.. but the other moment, I seem not knowing it

Argh.. stop those craps!

*searching for answer*

Have been having mild diarrhea for two days.. huhu.. What happened to my digestive system? *searching for answer*
This few days, I slept like usual. But my mind is unusual. It keeps operating even when I am "hibernating". I guess the CPU usage is up to 99%. It better stop operating that much. Else it gonna explode soon. STOP it! Any way that I can make it rest? huhu.. *searching for answer*

Finally, I end up searching hard.. lol~

Random thoughts @ 13th Oct 2010

The year 2010 will soon be over in less than two months time

This is the year that I have least expectations

but much has happened and took place

I looked back,

I see myself running and running

Hardly stopped to catch my breathe

I slowed down at times

but I pushed myself harder each time

trying to strive though it

trying to overcome it

trying to finsh the race

But now,

here I choose to stop

how long will it be?

who knows?

Or I should say,

I am trying to get back on the right track

crawling back to the track that belongs to me

I have lost my way

...

On one hand, I care

On the other hand, I hated to care

but I still care

what are those craps??

can't I just learn to let go?

Anyhow,

I am hoping for a fresh start..

God.. lead me!

F.A.K.E.

In this world, it is not easy to find true friend.

Some seems to be good

but you never know what will they do to you at your back.

I hated those fake people~

Crossroad

Recently I seem to back to this crossroad

Do not know which way to go

Should I continue on with the straight path 

or should I start a new journey on another path

Which is the path designed for me?

I have been observing

I have been wondering

I have been asking

But no respond

If I happen to choose another path

I have to face new things

People may just not understand

People may just condemn me for that decision

But who cares?

Lord, I truly needed your guidance

Show me your way

Both ways are just not easy

My family needed me

My mom yearns for me to go back

Is there anything left for me here?

It seems to be the time

But will it happen that way?

I am just so confused.. on which path to choose..

Waiting..

zipped

It is enough..

Just zipped it off..

Zipped and locked.. 

Till someone able to come and open it..

---

arghh~

I am so pissed off with those people that just so demanding.

They expected you to do everything and prepare everything

as if the things just belong to me

as if I am the only one using it.

Excuse me,

can't they just lend their hands to help out?

*Pissed off*

Reflecting...

In the middle of the night,

I am sitting alone in the room,

looking straight to my laptop screen,

reflecting what had took place through year 2010

In fact, I did not usher into year 2010 with a high spirit

I lost hope, I have no direction

I have no idea what will be waiting for me

I even do not want to think about it.

Half the year will end soon

Just in this short six months,

I have gone through much

One of the thing that I hate to go through is saying goodbye

It is not easy to say goodbye

In just this few months time, 

some came in to live together in this ministry house

another went out to their destiny

In ministry, 

It is just indescribable with words

It is just hard to express what I truly feel about all that took place

Am I glad?

Am I sad?

Am I rejoicing?

Am I disappointed?

I have just no idea

Towards a moment, 

I do not know what I am truly feeling

Am I been hiding my feelings all this while?

Or is it too much until I do not know how to respond?

Recently I browse back those pictures that were taken ages ago

It reflects back those sweet and sour memories

How each of us have been changing all this while

Some continue on with the race

Some left

Some came back

Some bounce back

But some just could not catch up

Recently as I go back hometown

I will surely spend time with my nephew and niece

and of course my other family members as well

It feels so hard each time I was to leave the house

As if I needed to wake up from a sweet dream 

As if it is time for me to face the reality

The Bible mentioned that this is not an easy path

It is narrow

Not many will choose to walk in this path

Lord, strengthen me

The more I knew You,

the weaker I feel

and only then Your strength will be revealed much more in me

Show me Your way

Show me Your will

Let me walk in the will of You

Let me bring joy to You

I love the ending of a song named "爱是不保留"

The ending is

“我以决定今生再没所求，惟望得主称赞已足够“

 Nothing is much more meaningful than a single praise from God~