A Question

Someone asked me a question.

A question that start with "if"

A question that I would not want to answer

A question that makes my heart sorrow

I answered, "I have never thought of it"

I can't recall whether I have thought of it or not

But I know what will my answer be

Though, I do not wish to answer that question

Will it truly take place?

How will it be?

My mind is filled with all these questions.

Searching hard

It is as if something is missing within me

And I am still wondering

What is that?

I am searching

Searching for something

Something that I truly needed

What is that?

I seem know.. but the other moment, I seem not knowing it

Argh.. stop those craps!

*searching for answer*

Have been having mild diarrhea for two days.. huhu.. What happened to my digestive system? *searching for answer*
This few days, I slept like usual. But my mind is unusual. It keeps operating even when I am "hibernating". I guess the CPU usage is up to 99%. It better stop operating that much. Else it gonna explode soon. STOP it! Any way that I can make it rest? huhu.. *searching for answer*

Finally, I end up searching hard.. lol~

Random thoughts @ 13th Oct 2010

The year 2010 will soon be over in less than two months time

This is the year that I have least expectations

but much has happened and took place

I looked back,

I see myself running and running

Hardly stopped to catch my breathe

I slowed down at times

but I pushed myself harder each time

trying to strive though it

trying to overcome it

trying to finsh the race

But now,

here I choose to stop

how long will it be?

who knows?

Or I should say,

I am trying to get back on the right track

crawling back to the track that belongs to me

I have lost my way

...

On one hand, I care

On the other hand, I hated to care

but I still care

what are those craps??

can't I just learn to let go?

Anyhow,

I am hoping for a fresh start..

God.. lead me!

F.A.K.E.

In this world, it is not easy to find true friend.

Some seems to be good

but you never know what will they do to you at your back.

I hated those fake people~

Crossroad

Recently I seem to back to this crossroad

Do not know which way to go

Should I continue on with the straight path 

or should I start a new journey on another path

Which is the path designed for me?

I have been observing

I have been wondering

I have been asking

But no respond

If I happen to choose another path

I have to face new things

People may just not understand

People may just condemn me for that decision

But who cares?

Lord, I truly needed your guidance

Show me your way

Both ways are just not easy

My family needed me

My mom yearns for me to go back

Is there anything left for me here?

It seems to be the time

But will it happen that way?

I am just so confused.. on which path to choose..

Waiting..

zipped

It is enough..

Just zipped it off..

Zipped and locked.. 

Till someone able to come and open it..

---

arghh~

I am so pissed off with those people that just so demanding.

They expected you to do everything and prepare everything

as if the things just belong to me

as if I am the only one using it.

Excuse me,

can't they just lend their hands to help out?

*Pissed off*

Reflecting...

In the middle of the night,

I am sitting alone in the room,

looking straight to my laptop screen,

reflecting what had took place through year 2010

In fact, I did not usher into year 2010 with a high spirit

I lost hope, I have no direction

I have no idea what will be waiting for me

I even do not want to think about it.

Half the year will end soon

Just in this short six months,

I have gone through much

One of the thing that I hate to go through is saying goodbye

It is not easy to say goodbye

In just this few months time, 

some came in to live together in this ministry house

another went out to their destiny

In ministry, 

It is just indescribable with words

It is just hard to express what I truly feel about all that took place

Am I glad?

Am I sad?

Am I rejoicing?

Am I disappointed?

I have just no idea

Towards a moment, 

I do not know what I am truly feeling

Am I been hiding my feelings all this while?

Or is it too much until I do not know how to respond?

Recently I browse back those pictures that were taken ages ago

It reflects back those sweet and sour memories

How each of us have been changing all this while

Some continue on with the race

Some left

Some came back

Some bounce back

But some just could not catch up

Recently as I go back hometown

I will surely spend time with my nephew and niece

and of course my other family members as well

It feels so hard each time I was to leave the house

As if I needed to wake up from a sweet dream 

As if it is time for me to face the reality

The Bible mentioned that this is not an easy path

It is narrow

Not many will choose to walk in this path

Lord, strengthen me

The more I knew You,

the weaker I feel

and only then Your strength will be revealed much more in me

Show me Your way

Show me Your will

Let me walk in the will of You

Let me bring joy to You

I love the ending of a song named "爱是不保留"

The ending is

“我以决定今生再没所求，惟望得主称赞已足够“

 Nothing is much more meaningful than a single praise from God~

...

I really hate it

When you have to take all the blames

And no one is able to help you

And giving up is just a no-no

So what can I do?

Suffer..

Depress..

LOST!

as time goes by

As time goes by,

we are growing older in our age,

as well we are growing more mature in our mind.

And some of the things, 

we will just let it go.

As time goes by,

we are changed,

into another person.

Is it good or bad,

who is to judge?

Some will agree, others disagree.

But who cares,

All that has happened,

made me who I am today.

As time goes by,

much more decisions have been made.

Some we consider as good choices,

others we may regret.

But the truth is,

there is no use being regretful.

What is past, is history.

Tomorrow is a brand new day,

new decisions are to be made.

As time goes by,

it makes you realize that

you will never be able to catch back 

the time that has gone.

Every single second,

we are moving forward,

what you wanted to do,

what you wanted to say,

do and say it right now,

or it may be too late.

For time never wait for us.

Treasure every single moment that you have,

be careful of the things that you do,

be sensitive to the words that you utter out,

the little things may bring a great impact,

a single word can break a heart,

a single action can break a soul.

Do not follow just simply follow the emotion,

but think before you act and speak.

Treasure everyone that is right there beside you,

for you will never know when is the last moment,

or when is the next meeting.

Appreciate them as how you appreciate yourself,

love them as how you have loved yourself,

treat them as how you have treated yourself.

To build a relationship requires a long period,

but a second is enough to break it into two.

Anyhow, never regret but continue to look forward.

BomB

A: If you are always being bombed, eventually your bulletproof shirt will be better. And you won't be scared of any bombing anymore.

B: But still the bomb will be able to bomb you to death.

And the laughter fills the air... =_=!!

Mighty to save by Hillsong

Love the lyrics of this song.. Everyone needed the forgiveness of our Savior.

Mighty To Save

Everyone needs compassion,
Love thats never failing
Let mercy fall on me

Well everyone needs forgiveness,
Kindness of a savior
The Hope of the nation

(Chorus)
Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is mighty to save,
He is mighty to save
Forever, author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again

I give my life to follow
Everything that i believe in
Now i surrender (and i surrender)

(Chorusx2)

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing, for the glory of the risen king, Jesus
Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen king, Jesus

(Chorusx2)

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing, for the glory of the risen king, Jesus
Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen king, Jesus

Center of my life

Center of My Life

Let my walk speak loud
And my words be true
Let my life be whole
With my eyes on you
Lord I'm stepping out
From the comfort zone
Letting go of me,
Holding onto You

Freedom comes
When I call You Lord
You are Lord my God

You are the center of it all,
The universe declares in awe
Your majesty
I surrender all
I make you
The center of my life
Lord, I respond with all I am
you placed in me the song
Of heavens melody
Your Majesty
I live to sing Your song

I have found Your peace
It replaces any fear
You have done it all
I can trust in you
So I'm stepping out
From the comfort zone
Letting go of me
Holding onto you

This is your song not mine
It is your song that bring healing to this land
This is your song not mine
It is your song that brings freedom
Freedom comes, when I call you Lord
Freedom comes, when I call you Lord
You are Lord, my God
You are the song
You are the majesty
I live to sing your song
Your majesty
I live to sing Your song

First Quarter 2010

I believe at the beginning of the year 2010, everyone started it with new year resolutions. This year, I did not make any, for I have no idea of what to aim for. 

Below is the brief of my first quarter of year 2010

January 2010

Trying to start afresh. Hoping for the best. Was in a new environment. Hoping things will turn out to be good. Trying to look positively in each things. However, January ended in a low mood.

February 2010

CNY. Went back to hometown. Meet family, relatives and friends. Went for BC. Got to know something that made me disappointed. Ended that way.

March 2010

Trying to resolve things. Ended a job and ventured into another new thing. Trying to do much, but less is done. No one understand. No one cares. No one bother. And March gonna end soon.

April is coming. Soon May, June and then will come to Dec 2010. Year 2010 should not just be another year. It should be a memorable year. Yet, things still going another way. 

 What's next?

I'm totally LOST!

*pop*

I feel like exploding..

Those feeling from inside gonna burst out..

And I wonder how many will suffer for it..

Arghh~

Feel like shouting out loud..

I am gonna explode from within...

Lost of excitement

Where has it gone?

The excitement that she used to have?

She does not find it funny anymore

There is no smile

There is no sound of laughing

But a deep and long silentness

There is just much in her mind

Which she is not able to speak out

and not able to truly write it out

All is flashing through her mind all the time

A restless mind she has

It is such a torture

Surrounding sounds are disturbing to her

She only long to have a silent night

A quiet morning

Where everyone else is sleeping

Where the world seems so peaceful

Which bring peace to her mind

That is what she longs for

That is what she needed most

Out of the "busi-ness" of the world

Out of those harsh reality of the world

Just getting out of it all

She is getting lost

Does not know how to get back to her feet

Does not know how to start it all over again

Does not know which path to go

Totally lost~